Something I rarely experience is my almost obsessive organisation of something. In this case, something is coursework. All of it. So I decide, seeing the messy mismatched folders, that I will take them all out of their respective folders and staple them all ready for placement in larger folders.
One problem.
Some of the pieces of coursework are 60 pages thick. You know what staples 60 pages? Not my goddamn stapler, that’s what. Those staples just crumbled like bitches without even penetrating a page. Picture the scene from Superman with the bullet.
Anyway, I decide – you know what, fuck you, paper, I’m going to win this war. So I set off for the library, at twenty to eleven because the library is open until midnight. No wait, that’s Monday to Thursday, because they are bastards.
Not wanting to waste a journey, I move to the LINC hoping to find the fabled industrial stapler of legend. Unfortunately, Edge Hill have this awkward security system that requires your student card. I have no fucking clue where my student card is. It could be in a storm drain for all I know.
Anyway, I see a girl in there. Just one, and knock on the window loud enough for her to take off her headphones. She soundlessly opens the door, lets me in, I thank her. And then I realise there are no staplers here. The trusting staff of the LINC building have locked them away for the night in case somebody tries to feed them after midnight or gets them wet or some shit.
But here lies the problem: I have just inconvenienced a fellow student, and now I’m obliged to stay for 10 minutes so as to not have wasted her time. Not to worry though, I’ve found a forgotten pendrive, and e-mail the poor owner telling them I am going to smash it with a rock.
Actually, I send them a message promising it to be handed in tomorrow in the library. That’s right, I’m now committed to a journey based on a finding during an obligation to somebody located in a place I would not have frequented had the fucking library bothered to have a Monday-Friday service.
Next time I need a stapler, I’m going to just break in, and steal five. Because fuck you.
