Masters at Edge Hill

At the end of my undergrad I had seriously started writing and taking part in good writing practice. I was attending every seminar (mostly) and every reading and actually enjoying all the set texts. It's been much of the same really. Sometimes I worry my gaming centred lifestyle will leave me with regrets, and I know that one day I'll have to completely leave behind gaming, at least as a lifestyle if I want to be part of the literary world.

On the Masters I'm loving it. There isn't a class that I don't enjoy, a visiting reader I don't benefit from. When I'm around that environment it makes me want to write, to start my life again as a writer. Even if it's an abstract poetry reading I find the sound of it soothing and usually get my notebook out and start writing work of my own. It's not that I'm bored, I just work best doing my own thing: I still listen to the poetry but I end up with two pages of my novel.

I love the workshops too. A lot of my issues come from wanting to be at a professional standard and seeing some of my classmates already at that level it produces equal levels of both envy and happiness that people so down to earth can be that good without spending their lives in pursuit of becoming a novelist.

It's sort of like being in front of a pool of ice-cold water, you stand on the edge and only when you thrust yourself in do you realise how refreshing it can be. There's hope yet

Discipline and Whips

I may have just roped you in with such a title or maybe you’re just that bored. Recently, I have been thinking about why I never get things done, why I have such little motivation to act but such huge aspirations and goals. I don’t use my time well. An average day is spent flicking from social network, to one-a-day t-shirt website, to fantasy football site and repeated. I don’t actually do anything most days, I while the time away on avoiding action. 

After reading Murakami I have realised that it is Discipline that I lack. Maybe I’m underconfident too but that’s an issue that stems from a fear of trying so hard and failing anyway – if I don’t try how can I fail? – or perhaps a better word is cowardice. Murakami is a writer who has ran pretty consistently for most of his life, on average six miles a day. He’s also a famous novelist. 

What he argues is that you need to strengthen the body and mind to write and as I want to run and write then that’s what I’m going to need to do. It won’t be easy whipping myself into shape, I’m 17 stone at the moment and so running whilst carrying an extra four stones than I should be makes it quite exhausting. I cycle a lot but cycling isn’t great for weight loss, at least I don’t do it enough or eat healthily enough to make it so. I want to start (from tomorrow of course, everything is always tomorrow) running 4 days a week and writing for an hour a day. Murakami wrote something that really bothered me.

I’ve put off writing because I have a perfect idea of what my novel should be. What he states is that running is not about perfection, it’s about doing it in the same way you don’t need to write about something, you can write about nothing. I can’t go on just putting things off and saying tomorrow and doing nothing the next day. I hate that I have such poor discipline and wonder if I can fix it.

Whilst doing a research essay I came across an article that states that writers need to be a little arrogant, in that you assume that your writing is worth reading and good enough to be above every other unpublished writer that has a manuscript on a pendrive. I have always been overcritical of my writing and perhaps that needs to stop. If can stop being so self-loathing about my mistakes then maybe I can write past them and start to relish the idea of writing. Murakami says that you should stop writing right at the point you feel you can write more, that way it will be easier to start the next day. I’m going to try this.

Oh, and I suppose I’ll try and stop flicking over Facebook and the rest, once a day will suffice. Of course I will break this rule. I think the running will help my need for human contact, self-improvement usually fills that void in my chest that’s constantly trying to expand. Always end on a high.