They're an army. I was one once, but I retired, or rather got promoted. And I swear they're getting more stupid (edited: stupider). Freshers. Even the name is stupid. Most freshers are fine; I'm an unjustifiably elitist douche (edited: douché), but I have not had the greatest experience of the "new breed".
In the LINC,(and because I have forgot the real acronym it is now)the Learning Information Networking Centre, you can go to print work if the library computer (edited: computers) is in use. Which it invariably is as there are usually over a thousand students just walking around campus. At the LINC, in the half hour window I had to print off an essay, I found myself stood in a roomfull of occupied computers. No, that isn't right, it was a roomful of occupied or broken computers. Obviously, those computers were being put to good use, students utilising the only available computers in university to - wait for it - read the comment section for youtube videos. Granted by "students" I meant "skinhead guy in green shirt with too much Lynx on", but even one person, wasting a computer, not even watching the video, with the sound off, reading the comments is enough. It's not like the rest of the room were busy, half the people were on Facebook, which is something I've done myself, and the rest were actually doing work. Youtube comment sections? We should just gather the mob now and lynch him. Waste of space.
Anyway, let's move on to the basis for my broad sweeping statements. After finally securing a computer that actually worked and didn't just advertise L:39 Radio, I printed off my essay, and was sat next to the computer, and so was able to bat the sports student's hand away from my work and collect it. Next I printed my bibliography. Oh wait, no, I didn't, because the sports student was still stood there waiting for her work. Mine did not print. I opened up the print queue, the most useful improvement I've seen Edgehill implement this year, and looked at the queue. There, right above my 87kb bibliography was what I assumed to be her file. The .pdf file. The 230mb pdf file. How the fuck do you get a 230mb .pdf file that's 18 pages long? That makes no sense. And the worst thing was, she'd sent it to the printer, via the network, 10 minutes ago, and it was halfway through.
After sharing an exasperated glance with the technician who was changing the paper, I cancelled my print and changed the printer, collected it and walked back in the room to see the mob I had called for to lynch the youtuber forming around the printer. I still had the printer queue open, 140/230mb, 11 items queued behind it. Well played, fresher, well played. You summed it up best when you asked "what have I done?". You done fucked up everything.
And the more I thought about it, the more it seemed impossible... 230mb .pdf file? They're made to save space - I have a 257kb .pdf file... and that's 60 pages. All I can guess is that every page contained a high res picture. Or every page was just a black page. Even if it is high def:
1. Why are you printing pictures?
2. Why are your pictures on a .pdf file?
3. Where the fuck did you find that .pdf file?
4. Why are you printing this? What course possibly needs you to print 18 pages of pictures? Oh wait, I can answer that one - sports.
5. Why, oh for the love of God why, would you bother to print them in black and white on standard printer paper on a laserjet if they're HD?
6. How did you get into university?
7. How have you lived so close to electrical appliances and not died yet?
And the reason I assumed she was a fresher was because if she made it into second year I weep for mankind.
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