When I'm not trying to make a joke, when I'm trying to make a point or generally giving my opinion in blog posts, I sometimes feel like I'm wearing skintight clothes (yeah, enjoy that image). What I'm trying to say (whilst filling your head with the unholy image of manbreasts in a leotard) is that I'm self-conscious about my writing. Even now, I assume that somebody reading is thinking "well you should be self-conscious, you assuming, pretentious twat", which is fair enough. This is a blog, blogs are made of pretension and assumptions.
They're musings, from the mind, such as my current idea to make my own dishwasher using bleach, a laminated cardboard box and the shower head. This idea is flawless. Not only will there be food residue remaining, at some point I will imbibe a lethal level of bleach. Some would argue I should use more conventional dish-cleaning products, such as washing-up liquid. To those people I say this: Marie Curie was flossing with uranium and look how that turned out. I am destined to be a posthumous pioneer of the Homemade Ordinary Bleach Wash-a-matron (or HOBWAM), and they shall toast to my glory, as they raise bowls with bits of old meat and poisonous cleaning products still stuck to them.
Not sure how I got onto this really, it seems I was driving (metaphorically) and decided to (metaphorically) drive off a cliff. It's how the mind is. Without absolute stupidity the world would be a very boring place (and really, when you think about it, the HOBWAM could be a great way of instigating natural selection). Go team Darwin!
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